And here we go again : /

It was promising to be another super day - a day full of super exciting stuff to do like writing long lines of code. The kind of life anyone would kill to have. A 9 - 5 existence, followed by watching an endless list of TV soaps accompanied by drinks and and a big bowl of munchies, with the girth of our bellies growing by the minute. Exciting life, isn't it? It was at the advent of just a day like this that I was sitting on my chair (yeah! MY chair! you know I'm talking to you - those who don't understand, it's none of your business, so please read on) and typing away beautiful lines of code that I knew wouldn't work unless I treated the computer gently (Intel P4 family has major ego issues! Oh yeah, I have been given a P4 computer). To not anger my computer, I typed softly and I hummed a song as I typed. Just then, the building started shaking. Earthquake! That was my first thought. Cool! That was my second. I quickly updated my facebook status while the building was still shaking. I looked around. Half the office was empty, the other half were updating their facebook statuses just like I did. The building was still shaking. "Holy shit! This one is long." The overhead ceiling lights were swinging wildly in a to and fro motion and were seemingly trying to tell me something. "Get the fuck out of here, you dimwit!" It was just then that I realize what a person is supposed to do when an earthquake happens - run for your life. And so I did, or so I tried to do. But the earthquake got over just as I took my first sprint step. Somehow I managed to   apply my brakes and almost slipped and fell in the process. I could have died in that fall, I thought. But then again, I had just finished watching all the final destination movies. As I was busy trying to imagine up theories of how seemingly harmless office equipment will be the end of me, I overheard a couple of Delhi hotties having a heated debate of how they were all going to die sooner or later. The end of the world is coming.......... ARMAGEDDON is coming!!!!
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Say what???? : /

The Mayans simply ran out of writing space, you fools! There's been a lot of horseshit going around lately about how we are all gonna die. OK, we are all gonna die at some point. No one lives forever. Valor morghulis! (Google it). But to say that the world is simply going to end this december is more than I can take. So I have taken it upon myself to wage a dharm yudh, a crusade, a jihad, and whatever else have you, against the spread and advocacy of this fallacious information. There's a lot of jihad stuff already going on about. Seems to be a popular career choice for many young people these days. But the job description in most jihadist companies require you to to grow a long beard. I don't like growing long beards. Hot chicks don't like long beards. So I will be starting my own jihadist organization. AJACRS - al Jihad Against Completely Retarded Shitheads. All are welcome to join. I am even designing a compulsory costume. And no, long Dumbledore style beards are strictly not allowed. And the Burqa is banned!!

First order of business as chairman of my new start-up - make fun of doomsayers and their pathetic arguments. One brilliant person would suggest that we don't even have as far as December to live. He suggests that we are all going to die on May 21st itself. Better plan that trip to Amsterdam soon folks. But if you are a serious believer in all this talk of doomsday, then I definitely wouldn't want to rob you of a chance to survive. So you might wanna check for reservations here: http://www.businessinsider.com/places-to-go-during-apocalypse-2011-5# . I'd suggest link number 13 :) .

In any case, I can live in peace knowing that if there is any catastrophe anywhere in the world, the news will immediately find its way to the facebook wall of a person experiencing this catastrophe. The catastrophe can be as mild as a turkey dish gone bad to as extreme as hurricane to hit my house in 5...4...3.......2...1.....buzzzz............Goodbye Cathy, thanks for the info! I am extremely confidant that I can survive any apocalypse because of people like Cathy who put their life on the line to pass on valuable information to her fellow human beings just so that they have the chance to survive. RIP Cathy.

Although I find it irresistible to not make fun of doomsayers, I do understand the enormity of the consequences should I turn out to be wrong and all the doomsayers are in fact true. Therein lies the second purpose of AJACRS, and that is to form a second line of defense so that the human race can survive. And I believe that we have finally managed to find salvation for all of us. It had not been easy. It had required every gooogling technique I knew. But after painstakingly googling for 15-20 minutes, I succeeded where others have failed. I found a way by which we can yet save ourselves, our planet and the entire human race from the devastation that awaits us. All we have to do is to behave. The basis of my logic lies in the fact that almost all doomsayers are evangelists. If doomsday actually does happen, it probably means whatever these evangelists have been preaching is more or less true, if you remove the drama and hear their stories with a pinch of salt. They believe that earthquakes are used by their lord to convey messages to an increasingly wicked human society - and that message seems to be loud and clear, behave, or I'm gonna come and make you behave.

And there you have it folks - you must behave! And that means no more rapes (Yes, Delhi, I am looking at you, stop fidgeting), no more stealing (kleptomaniacs can be exempted though, it's not their fault. God made them that way. If they don't steal God might become angrier still), no more killings (Don't you dare protest Delhi. Mumbai, you are on the list too), no more kidnappings(good job bihar, UP watch out) and ........use your own imagination. So the bottom-line is that you must behave in order to survive.

Between a rock and a hard place

For the first time since I became old enough to write down my abc's, India is faced with a situation wherein the outcome of it's strategic decisions will affect the flow of events in the entire world, not just in the south Asian region. So far, India has been able to befriend two enemy states (read Iran and Israel), with the assumption that their strife is their internal matter and does not concern India. However, post the attack on the Israeli defense attache's wife(promptly blamed by Israel on Iran) India has now found itself in a situation where it may never have wanted itself. India may well have to choose a side now - will it be Iran or Israel.

Both nations are strategically very important to India. Choosing any over the other may mean permanent losses of the resources supplied by that nation to India. However, this is a chance for India to assert itself on the international scene. USA is now lobbying hard for India to support the sanctions against Iran. This in itself speaks volumes about India's growing importance in the region and also in the entire world. Such a scenario would have been unimaginable 2 decades ago. And any attempt by India to walk the middle ground and adopt a neutral line as it always does, may seen by other nations as a sign that India lacks the political will to adopt a more significant role in world affairs. The whole situation looks to be spiraling out of control, with Israel and Iran now fighting their battles on the streets of Delhi. India is now among the last few nations of economic importance that have still not complied with the US sponsored sanctions on Iran. It shall be very interesting to see, exactly how does the Indian government  handle this situation. Will India resort to pussyfooting again or will the government finally grow some backbone and take some action keeping in mind long term advantages, not short term gains.

Both Israel and Iran hold significant importance in India's long term goals. Lets start with Iran. The most important factor here is oil. India imports 12% of its crude from Iran. Several Indian refineries are geared up to process the kind of crude that Iran exports. Refitting all these refineries to process other types of crude will consume a lot of national resources. Indeed! Finding a dependable supplier at such short notice will indeed be a difficult task. Although Saudi Arabia at America's behest has offered to step in and fill the void left by the Iranians, working out a deal with them will be time consuming, and then there is the question about retrofitting the refineries to deal with Saudi oil, a herculean task! India and Iran are currently in the midst of discussing a big oil deal which involves laying a pipeline on the Arabian Sea bed. Secondly, Iran is currently India's only access point to Afghanistan, a country in who's security and stability India has a huge stake. Iran also has a shared interest along with India to prevent the Taliban from retaking Afghanistan when the US army abandons Afghanistan to it's own fate. Iran along with India had supported the Northern Alliance which were fighting the Taliban pre 1999. Thirdly, Iran, together with Afghanistan also provide India with an access to the mineral rich central Asia. India would also not be in favor of China stepping into any void left behind by India's departure. So, basically Iran is very important in the fulfillment of India's immense energy requirements, and also in meeting regional security requirements of India. And I haven't even spoken about the Sunni-Shia angle, which make Iran a natural enemy of Pakistan, a Sunni dominated country widely known for the persecution on Shia's.

And now Israel. Israel is perhaps the most important partner of India in the field of counter-terrorism. There has been unprecedented co-operation between Indian and Israeli intelligence since 1960's- an era before Israel was even allowed to open up an embassy in India. India and Israel started formal diplomatic relations only in 1992, after years of ineffective pro Arab policies. The Indian government had for years supported the Palestinian cause whole-heatedly in the hope of Arab support for India's Kashmir cause. But this policy bore no fruit, as the Arab countries always backed Pakistan when it came to Kashmir. Pakistan being an Islamic nation was held in much higher esteem and importance than India. India was being taken for granted. Frustrated by this attitude, India finally established formal relations with Israel. However India had a secret relationship with Israel established long before that. Time and again Israel has proved to be a valuable partner by Providing India with intelligence at key moments. The relationship with Israel really took off to reach unprecedented heights during the time of the Atal Bihari Vajpayee led NDA government, which had always supported relations with the Israeli sate. Today, Israel trains many Indian intelligence officers as well as specialized commando units. Mossad and RAW have a long tradition of intelligence sharing. Israel is also the second biggest arms supplier to India, just behind Russia, and a good deal more dependable than Russia, I might add. Israeli technology is also a good deal superior to Russian Technology. Another point that affects both  countries directly is the rise of Islamic terrorism. India and Israel are both surrounded by hostile Islamic nations, and this fact makes them natural allies. India and Israel also have big collaborations in the field of space science, aerospace, nanotechnology, biotechnology among others. Israel is now poised to become India's leading defense supplier. And allying itself with Israel will also mean India's formal induction into the US led block, Such associations have their advantages as far technology transfer is concerned, something which India is in need in.

In light of these facts and many more which I am just too lazy to research and write, India's choices at this critical juncture will influence the unfolding of world affairs in the coming decades. The great diplomatic dance has begun and it is time for India to tango.